"...An explanation by the practitioner of advance directives, including living wills and durable powers of attorney, and their uses..." From the stupidistically* called euthanasia section of the health reform bill.
I've checked out some forms for living wills and advance directives, and I may need some help filling them out. In the meantime, I couldn't help but notice they are completely lacking in the human touch, providing mostly checkoffs for decision making. I may add a paragraph or two to mine to make my wishes perfectly clear. Here goes:
How to decide if I'm dead (By this time you've respected my previous wish and wheeled me under the nearest pine tree). First, ask me. "Mr. Sullivan, you still alive?" If there's no response, play the recording of Yo Yo Ma playing Bach's Unaccompanied Cello Sonatas. If I don't go "Ah. Yo Yo Ma" then I'm definitely going, if not gone. In which case, have somebody play or hum the first 11 notes of "Salt Peanuts" (Dizzy will explain). If I don't respond by humming the correct response, tap out those notes on my wrist, and if I don't tap a finger six times, then I'm definitely not having fun any more, so unplug me. I don't want to waste any more time than I have to.
Then, I want the works: Irish wake, Viking funeral, bagpipes, my ashes scattered from the top of Mt. Everest, or maybe burial at sea... Hey, I'm dead. The rest is up to youse guys.
(*Stupidism: the refusal to accept any information that might bring one closer to the truth. Pure, fact-free opinion.)
1 comments:
Dana, this is too funny. As for me, I'm still in denial and think in my heart-of-hearts I will somehow manage to live forever. Did I ever tell you I once had a dream about Yo Yo Ma? I'll go no further.
Post a Comment